Before we’re able to grow feelings towards something, usually there are processes that we need to do; which is getting to know them in the first place.
Then, we will do something which leads us to a discovery by asking some questions, looking for information about it from different sources, and so on. Once we have the full view, then we’re ready to jump in.
I believe that self-love requires the same critical process. For you who might find it quite hard to accept the process to reach self-love, maybe this can help.
First, like the analogy I’ve mentioned before, we really need to gain and process all the information about ourselves as a whole. This process is as fundamental as the self-love itself when we’ve attained peace with our Ego Self and merge towards our True Self.
Ego Self is created when we were children by ‘internalized the voices’ that we heard from the people around us, it’s not necessarily destructive, it’s the mind helping us to make sense of who we are and what we experience.
It’ll become destructive when we are not aware that we have bad patterns from our Ego that drive a ‘narrative’ in our mind and impact our behaviors.
Meanwhile, a True Self is our conscious state, our sense of self, and experience without ‘internalized voice’ from external, instead it is our own full understanding of ourselves. You will hardly embrace yourself if you keep looking at your Ego-Self in order to feel ‘safe’, instead of your True Self.
Activating our Ego-Self is the time when we usually deny reality, unconsciously hiding our scars instead of healing from them. We blame instead of learning. We hide instead of coping. We hate instead of loving.
Maybe, you will say, “But it takes time, everything takes time!”
Of course, it is.
All the time in the world will be wasted if we look away from the nature of healing into reaching self-love. Which is: self-healing. Healing is the broader process, but the first step is; self-discovery.
Do you think you already know yourself that much? What about what you want and what you need? Your true callings? The dark and the light? The good and the bad?
No, this is not just the part we think it’s good for some people. This is not just the look we think it’s valid into the surroundings either and this is not just the idea we think other people might agree.
Sometimes we drown our most real version of ourselves to keep us from hurting. It is acceptable and very common. It is okay to have a strong Ego once in a while.
The other side is, we tend to beat ourselves too hard to mend the situation.. and once you lose the grip of external validation, you’ll probably lose yourself in grief.
Even though we can’t see them right now, still, they are there. Our scars, our problems, our vulnerability, our humility, our greatness, our lights. They are suffocated to have a conversation with you. Hear them out. Say ‘Hi’ to each and one of them.
How? Maybe it is time to start to look from within.
“Which part of myself that hasn’t resolved the trauma?”
“Which part of myself defines strength?”
“Which ‘stones’ are blocking me to step forwards?”
“Which situation that no longer serves me right?”
“How can I be truthful to myself about how I feel?”
and the list can go on and on, and on.
No matter what questions you ask yourself first, do not forget to lower your guards. Take things slowly. Do not be afraid to have a conversation with yourself.
Write things, draw things, meditate on that, or daydreaming! Any way is the right way as long as you are comfortable with it. Hey, at least you try.
Discover all the edges of yourself, in and out. If you stumble, that’s fine, keep looking forward. If you drained, that’s fine too, reach out. After you finally know yourself well. You will get so many insights on how you heal yourself.
Then? You can love yourself truly. After that? You can spread your wonderful, beautiful, mesmerizing soul to your surroundings.
You can love wholeheartedly.
I will not say that self-discovery is easy, but I can bluntly say, it will be worth it.
I am a Psychology Graduate and also an artist. Currently indulging myself in marketing, consumer research, and economic behavior. I have big interests in self-healing, self-development, and spiritualism. I got fuller when there are chances to share more to the surroundings. Reach Rifa through her social media: