How often do you say yes to other people’s requests? If very often, you may find it hard to refuse them because you don’t want to disappoint them. How often do you agree with other people’s opinions even when you don’t?
If much often, you may find it effective to avoid conflict instead of speaking your mind. You try as much as possible not to make them feel offended, don’t you?
When having a conversation with some friends, do you often pretend to be interested in things which actually you don’t like? If much often, well you do that for the reason to be liked or considered as a good friend.
How often do you laugh when they are constantly making fun of you even though deep inside you want to cry aloud? That time when you are afraid to show the truth about yourself. So, you show the good side that you create to please others, regardless of your true feelings inside.
Those are a few signs of becoming a people pleaser. I used to be a people pleaser. I often seek recognition from others. I was the kind of person who felt better based on what others thought about me. When they said I am such a kind, funny person, I became happy and cheerful.
When they said I am too quiet or not fun enough, I felt terrible and awful. So yeah, to achieve a sense of satisfaction for the sake of happiness, I always try to please my friends or other people around me.
I was kinda obsessed with being a good person. I often do something as much as possible based on what others would like as long as they are happy. I also think a lot about what others will respond if I say or do something beyond their expectations.
I was trapped in my own mind. Too scared to be free, I try not to hurt their feelings but I didn’t realize that I have been tortured myself for a quite long time.
The question is, “Why do I try so hard to please others when I’m already being good enough?”
Then, there comes the moment of truth which I couldn’t hold myself anymore, the fact that sometimes even your close friends can stab your back as it happened to me. I couldn’t bear this feeling anymore.
Honestly, I was so disappointed and tired at that time. I just wasted my time to build a worthless relationship as what I think is good is not necessarily good according to what my friends believe. It feels like I don’t know who I am anymore because all this time, I rarely open up and being honest about my feelings, let alone speak to other people about it.
Instead of feeling shame or guilt about what I have done to myself in the past, I want to give appreciation about how I grow stronger until now, to reach this point of maturity, and in the process of how far I develop the better version of myself. How I change my perception from negativity to the positive ones.
I am proud of myself for having the courage to speak up about the way others treat me which I don’t like or hurt me, I am very thankful for being aware to set up personal boundaries and validate my own feelings, to get out from the toxic circles.
I am proud of those decisions which I have made in my life and just like other human beings, of course, I am still learning and growing every single day until one day, it is time for me to fully bloom.
For you who have been struggling in this situation, trust your inner voice, then make your right decisions. In life, you can’t always get what you want, but you can always choose what kind of person you want to become. Your life, your choice.
Whatever it is, choose what makes you happy. Another thing is you can’t control people to have a nice opinion about you, they might be trash-talking behind your back.
But that’s okay, you can give the best version of yourself to them who deserve it. Instead of thinking too much about what others think, I want you to know it is the value that defines your true self.
Whenever you feel anxious and overthink, start to take over your mind, repeat these words,
“It doesn’t matter what others think about me, whether I am a good or bad person, I can’t control their perception. I can’t please them all. What matters is the way I make perceptions about myself.
So, I am aware that I don’t have to rely on their opinion to feel worthy, don’t seek for wrong validation from other people.”
Remember you aren’t a Santa Claus who can please everyone or Genie from Aladdin who can always grant someone’s wishes.
From now on, I know that I am responsible for my own life, I deserve to be happy, and I will take care of myself more before others. I sincerely hope the same things will go for you as well.
About the Author:
A lifelong learner who loves to inspire people through her story. She likes to put her feelings and thoughts into words, especially about self-development, maturity journey, and meaningful life. Reach Maria through her Instagram: